The proper drinking started shortly after dinner and we got into a card game in which each card is represented by a rule... items had their name changed, people had their name changed and if anything was called by their real name this resulted in a forfeit drink and the whole thing was designed to get everyone very drunk very quickly... Abdul, King, The Daly twins, Tom and myself picked a lot of Tom's (cards), made a chicken noise (yep, a real chicken noise) before taking a chicken (drink) and if you picked the wrong Tom you had to take a drink out of the Smithy's a C**t (The bowl in the middle that was a rather putrid mix of various ciders, Jaeger, Lager and WKD, that tasted something like I imagine drinking out of a toilet might although I hesitate to add that is only an estimate and not fact). This lasted until everyone was struggling to cope with the rule of needing a 3 or 4 to use the toilet and Stanbrook was sick after a fairly large drink from the middle bowl. This game was particularly useful for Smithy who has only just left his overdraft since his Dad's little top up and now has £10 to his name, though at the time really couldn't afford to be buying drinks from the pubs and clubs!
The downside of this was undeniably the fact it led to Smith being a wee bit drunk and possessing a fair amount of fire in his belly as we went out. It took him less than 5 minutes of our walk, after out impromptu stop for Naan bread, to decide he knew best and stroll off in completely the wrong direction. It took 3 people chasing him and Tom becoming the voice of reason to make him finally accept that he should walk the same way as the rest of us. And for those of you that know Tom you will understand that him being the voice of reason is about as likely as Steven Gerrard going an entire season in football without making a hypercritical comment about cheating, Frank Lampard winning mastermind or Michael Bublé winning a Mobo award. (Music of Black Origin)
The next unexpected event of the evening was a quick taxi trip home after our voice of calm and reason realised he'd left his ID behind... this was more the Tom we've grown to know and lo... accept ;)
The night out itself was fairly pleasant, visiting a few bars, sampling a few modern classic songs that can be 'Stanbrooked' to including Riverside, We No Speak Americano and Barbra Streisand.
NB. 'The Stanbrook' - Any dance that is danced by Ryan Stanbrook or in the style of Ryan Stanbrook based around excessive movement of the hips, a slightly perverted grin and most importantly a non-robotic robot.
The night ended slightly earlier than expected when Tom was politely told to leave the nightclub because he was too drunk, within the next hour the 6 of us made our way back to the house and were all in by half 2 in the morning, Tom was violently sick into our now broken and difficult to flush toilet and people gradually filed off to bed. Considering the time we all finally got to sleep it will come as no surprise that not everyone made all of their lectures the following day, as i left for my 10 o'clock seminar, Daly was still 'corpsed' out in bed next to the snoring fog-horn that was Tom, having supposed to have been in for 9 o'clock himself, and there was no sign of any movement from Smithy.
Carnage finally matched its definition when we met again the following lunchtime, as I made my way back from Uni the other 5 were tucking into a fried breakfast which we followed up with a quick stop in Ladbrokes that involved Tom taking great pleasure in his horse sneaking up from nowhere to beat Stanbrook's on the line, a funny moment all round that resulted in Ryan sinking onto the desktop in the bookies in a pose that might have suggested he'd gambled away his entire life, the reality being he'd put £3 on an outsider, but a loss is a loss so his pain is no less... After Ladbrokes though was when the weekend took a strange, perverse and yet hugely entertaining twist. I'm still unsure how the conversation came about but all i know is it resulted in us clubbing together £15 for the privilege of being able to watch and film Ryan eat a live goldfish... he swallowed it whole, happy in the knowledge he'd just created video evidence of the fact he should be sectioned immediately and resigned to the fact it would be appearing on the Internet within the day.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=10150311359320580
So what did I learn from this weekend?
- Lock your door or password protect your computer when there are people staying in your house
- Carnage really can be carnage if you want it to be
- Fish can be swallowed whole in a pretty similar fashion to paracetamol
- The Stanbrook really is a dance for all occasions
and that if you leave 5 bored people alone long enough they will cause destruction or some other creative mess with the help of a printer, some tape and a roll of tin foil!
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